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Building Self-Esteem:
Self esteem is simply feeling good about yourself. The reason most
children fail to function effectively is due to low self-esteem
caused by discouragement. Children assume they are inadequate and
therefore quit trying to be successful in areas in which they think
they cannot succeed. The four ways parents discourage most are:
concern with status or prestige; ambition and insistence on
excellence; negative expectations; and/or intimidation.
Ways to Build Self-Esteem:
Encourage your child: focus on your child’s resources, giving them
positive recognition to improve their self concept and feelings of
self-worth. Encourage simply and consistently. Using these four ways
of encouraging your child will serve as a foundation for a positive
parent/child relationship based on mutual respect.
Four Ways to Encourage:
- Show faith - have confidence in your child
and allow him or her the opportunity to be responsible.
- Build self-respect – be enthusiastic about
your children’s interests without comparisons to siblings or
peers.
- Recognize improvement – acknowledge their
efforts and help them develop realistic goals.
- Focus on strengths – society puts an emphasis
on mistakes and faults. Emphasize your child’s strengths and
assets as a move toward independence and self determination.
Ten Strategies for Encouraging Children:
- Give responsibility.
- Show appreciation for contributions at home.
- Ask your child for opinions and suggestions.
- Encourage participation in decision-making.
- Accept mistakes.
- Emphasize the process, not just the product.
- Turn liabilities into assets, look for
positive potential.
- Show confidence in your child's judgment.
- Have positive expectations.
- Develop alternative ways of viewing
situations.
The Language of Encouragement:
Phrases that demonstrate acceptance:
- I like the way you handled that.
- How do you feel about this?
- I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.
- Since you’re not satisfied, what do you think
you can do so you will be pleased with yourself?
Phrases that show confidence:
- You’ll make it!
- You’re making progress.
- I believe you’ll handle it.
- I have confidence in your judgment.
Phrases that recognize effort and
improvement:
- I can see you put a lot of effort into that.
- I can see a lot of progress.
- You’re improving in (Be specific).
- Looks like you’re moving along.
- You may not feel you’ve reached your goal,
but look how far you’ve come!
Phrases that focus on strengths,
contributions, and appreciation:
- Thanks for helping – it took a load off me.
- You have a talent for . (Be specific).
- Would you help me with this?
- I really appreciated your help.
Develop the Encouragement Habit:
It takes time and effort to become an effective encourager. Because
encouragement is a learned skill it improves with practice.
Encourage your family and friends but don’t forget about yourself.
Self-encouragement naturally leads to the encouragement of others.
With practice, you will feel free to use the language of
encouragement to improve your child’s self-esteem.
For further information call 1-800-477-3422
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